3 useful tips for a single man going to a swinger club

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Are you a single guy considering checking a swinger club out and trying your luck with a couple (or several)? Are you a single guy who is regularly going to swinger clubs but things rarely work the way you would want them to? And you are sort of tired of always being on the fringes instead of in the center of action? Either way, do read this.

In our experience, both among newbies and experienced club-goers, there are many men who for some reason end up leaving common sense and/or good manners at the door when entering the club. We believe this plays a big part in why mixed clubs or evenings are often less appealing to couples than couples-only ones.

Single men out there, if you want to be considered for some serious play and not be left as a wanking bystander to the action, you should consider the following three strategies.

1. Be friendly

It’s really that simple. Like in any other life situation, good social skills can get you far and ahead of others. Being friendly, genuinely interested in people and showing effort to connect is appreciated and rewarded. Even if you are the only single guy in a club full of couples, in all likelihood, you will still need to socially interact with some of them before it gets physical.

Don’t just sit at the bar or all evening or hang out with other single men and expect to be invited by a couple. Or, don’t think that just because you are gifted or have a six-pack, you don’t have to move a finger (and – newsflash – size isn’t everything; nor are looks). So, approach couples in a casual manner, start a conversation and act naturally. Of course, it’s clear that your primary interest is not in their vacation plans or their music taste, but such or similar topics can be mutually enjoyable conversation starters.

Couples in swinger clubs are usually not that desperate and, if the single guys around strike them as unattractive or uninteresting, they still have plenty of other couples to hang out with. On the other hand, if their expectations or wishes are not met, single guys can get progressively more desperate as the night passes. This makes them more likely to be pushy and to behave in ways which makes them look, well, creepy. So…

friendly group

2. Don’t be creepy

There are not many things that put a couple more off than a single guy following them around a club and giving them one of those creepy looks. Do that in a pack with other guys and there are only few steps which separate your little party from an adult horror show.

Here’s a thing. Just because all other men around you act like mindless wankers, it does not mean that being a mindless wanker is OK. Indeed, when everyone in a particular situation does something, no matter how appalling you may find this something to be, it is considered normal. When, for example, sexual abuse of women is something most men practice in a society, abuse becomes statistically and culturally expected, tolerated and therefore considered normal. But that does not make it OK.

So, even if all other men behave in a way that you, in your right mind and especially outside a swinger club, would find creepy, try not to be one of them. It’s the creepy and sometimes even aggressive behaviour of single males that makes mixed swinger parties a no-go for some couples. Think of this in the following way: if you were there with your girlfriend or wife, would you find that behavior appealing or even amusing? Exactly.

Maybe you will think, well, it’s the woman who decides, and if her men doesn’t like it, it’s his problem. If you really think that, you probably don’t know much about swingers. Or about couples in general, for that matter. Which brings us to the last rule…

couple kissing

2. Don’t ignore the man

I’ve seen it so many times in a swinger club and I always wondered what the reasoning behind was: single men, looking for a couple to play, sometimes try to establish contact with the woman only, while ignoring the male half of the couple. Literally, as if he did not exist.

Naturally, the woman needs to approve of you in some way before you are allowed to lay your hand on her. Like in any life situation, while we are at it, and swinger clubs are not any different in this regard. What makes swinging and a non-swinging contexts in this respect different is that in the latter you are in principle not allowed to touch a woman which is not, so to speak, “yours.” The society does not even give this to you as a possibility. The swinging “extension” to the regular vanilla life, on the other hand, lies exactly in the fact that it allows for this possibility.

But, it is nothing more than – a possibility. And even if you happen to be that woman’s dirtiest fantasy waiting to happen, there is still one thing which stands between you and that possibility becoming a reality: her relationship with her partner.

Couples are not just two random people who happen to enter a swinger club at the same time. The are always more than the outsiders see: their motives to be there, the agreements they have about what they do in certain situations, or the tacit ways they communicate which each other.

So, don’t forget to factor that one in next time you go out hunting among swinger couples. Failing to understand this can irritate both of them and as a result ruin your chances of getting anywhere near.

fishnet legs

Where does this leave us?

People sometimes think that just because you are in a swinger club, the rules and conventions of the outside world are put on hold. This may be true for some of the rules, but for the vast majority it’s pretty much the same as in any regular club or other social life setting.

There is, of course, a long list of other tips we could give single men, such as, for example, be good looking, go to the gym, grow a big dick, be a charmer, get regularly checked for STD, groom yourself, shower before going to the club and make sure you don’t have a bad breath.

While some of these are not exactly tips, albeit they can play a role in your chances, the rest are downright obvious and it really goes without saying that you should take care of your personal hygiene and do regular health checks. This, after all, goes also for couples and single ladies, in or outside swinger clubs.

And, truth be told, many couples at swinger parties are not interested in doing anything with single men, even if they hang outside couples-only areas in the clubs which have them. Maybe you can convert them. In case you want to give that a try, you better be friendly, avoid being creepy and – mind the couple.

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