My first time at a swinger party: expectations and reality

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When Teseo and I started dating I did not have a slightest clue that swinging would be part of the package. He didn’t either, but he hoped it to be and was carefully looking for clues of whether I was the type. Well, all I can say on that, is that he did not have to look for long.

So, very soon into the relationship we ended up at a swinger party. On his proposal, of course, which I accepted, out of curiosity but also because I was, ehm, madly in love with him. Thinking of it now, good he did not propose to me then to plot a murder together, god knows where that would have ended up…

Girl and boy holding hands

But, there we were, decided to check out a party which was about one hour drive from us. I didn’t know exactly what to expect because I had never really given it a thought before. It felt awkward and exciting at the same time. I did not have any swinger friends or acquaintances (at least that I knew of). I had not done any online research looking for information or people’s testimonials or… anything. Nothing. I simply trusted the guy and thought to myself, what is the worst that can happen?

One thing I was sure about was that I could trust him. At that stage of our relationship, barely knowing each other, this was admittedly a little bit of a gamble, but I guess my sixth sense did not fail me this time. I was also pretty clear with myself on how far this could actually go.

We talked about it beforehand and we had it clear that nothing beyond what I was comfortable with would happen.

So far so good. We arrived at the club and my first impression of the interior was not very encouraging. In fact, I was appalled by all the kitsch and pink and gold and an overall complete absence of taste in interior design. I vividly remember a human-sized doll dressed in the full Eyes Wide Shut inspired outfit in the corner of the lobby and thinking to myself, WTF? To my amazement, the rest of the club consistently followed this style.

Now, some years into the scene and having seen more than thirty different venues across countries and spending time on their and similar websites, I got used to it. With some exceptions (compliments to them), it is without doubt that the overall visual style of swinger clubs is something they could work on.

Mask and rose

One could say that looking outdated and kitschy is part of the lifestyle, which I am sure it is, but one could also argue that such look is not particularly appealing to potential newbies, especially younger ones. This is especially true of the websites, including most community websites, which is overall a bit of a sad story given that for many people this is the face of the scene, before deciding to try it out.

The good thing is that the visuals are not the most important thing and what it really boils down to is the atmosphere and the people. Quality facilities (and their maintenance) are, naturally, also important, but even superb facilities can’t rescue a place or a night if the people are not your kind or if, simply, it’s a wrong vibe for you. Finding some kindred spirits before your first time, either if you go as a single or a couple, is always a good advice.

A careful eye will notice that, at a swinger party, many people already know each other and they tend to hang out together. Which makes it like pretty much any other party.

Neither of us knew anyone at the party so we tried to start a conversation with some people we thought would be friendly. If the place has a small relax or spa area, that’s a good place to start. Hot tubs and saunas are much better for starting a conversation with strangers than a dancefloor or a bar. If you want to start something else than a conversation, then dancefloor is probably the right place for it.

In the beginning I had this fear that I would show up at a party and run into someone I know, like a colleague from work or that awkward neighbour who I suspect to be a serial killer. Chances of this are probably higher if you live in a small town and you end up in a swinger club in that same town. But then I thought, if I get seen, they get seen too, so we are even. Still, this has so far not happened to me but if it does, I will happily report here on how it went.

party lights

As for “action,” my first time was actually quite uneventful. I was mostly curious about who the people were, what the atmosphere was like and how things happen when they do. But, for what I gathered, for many people most of the time, there is very little action, if any at all. This, of course, depends on the type of party or the type of club, but going there just to meet people, catch up with friends or just dance is perfectly normal.

It’s also OK if you want to just go and check out a swinger party or club on your own or with your partner if you have one, without doing anything. Maybe you like it and decide to explore further. If you happen not to like it, then at least you now know why you don’t.

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